Gentle steps back: prioritising self-kindness and comfort after change
If “belonging” is described as “the feeling of being comfortable and happy in a particular situation or with a particular group of people”, the past few years have been quite the opposite of that. Our options for boundless connection, physical interactions, and being comfortable around people have been displaced. We associated our sense of place and space with spending time in our comfortable, self-made nooks. So as we begin to dip our toes back into socialising we have to remind ourselves that although we belong to our home spaces we belong to many different ones too.
We have all been changed by the experience of isolation, it is so universally known, it could almost go unsaid. Now, with newfound space to reflect on lockdown we have gained a visceral understanding of our vulnerability as a species. But what about our own selves more specifically? How do we navigate reemerging into an old world as new versions of ourselves?
On some level, our sense of belonging and connection has to be established all over again. With new dimensions to our personality, the idea of returning to life as it was, is met with hesitations. It feels for many, a conflicting cocktail of emotion, an appealing yet uncomfortable reality. Because although a sense of belonging forms a key part of our innate motivation, the whiplash from being in and out of lockdown is no doubt going to be overwhelming for a while yet.
The most challenging aspect of the pandemic was coming to terms with how many different ways we rely upon a sense of place and belonging. But amid it all, there was an awareness around the fundamentals of social connection. An awareness of just how integral human connection is for our own conception of self. An article from BBC future states that “This time of reflection might lead to increases in ‘self-concept clarity’ – the degree to which people have coherent beliefs about themselves and their goals in life”. Which speaks largely towards an individual's compulsion for development both internally and externally. But more importantly, it notes our attention to detail, our ability to reflect and our desire to take these new discoveries of ourselves into the world.
Historically, feelings of belonging have been driven largely by strong social connections to others in our groups. Whether it be a quick chat at the coffee machine or bumping into someone on the street, there is no denying the crucial role in-person associations play in strengthening our senses of community, self worth and identity. These interactions are the essential ingredient to learning more about ourselves and the world we all inhabit. During lockdown we haven't been able to experience the kinds of belonging that comes to us passively, the sense of affinity we get from being a social being, from not doing much but doing it with someone else. This passive practice of belonging has been abstracted and with it our conception of social identity, so it is no wonder we feel a little overwhelmed now.
There is no right and wrong way to feel when it comes to being around people again. Therefore we might want to take expectations we put on ourselves with a grain of salt. The more we acknowledge how hard it is or has been, the more we learn to take time-outs, the easier and more genuine social connections will become. As the BBC writes “the many months of changes to our routines may have led to changes in our behaviour that will stick long after the pandemic has finished.” The recognition of the time it will take is essential as we begin to occupy the world with physical bodies again and manage our conception time and place. And a focus on activities that comfort the body first and foremost may help us ease slowly back into assimilating with the world again. Emphasis on slowly.